Acceptance.

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

This doesn't just have to do with alcoholism. We have to learn to accept the things we can't control and put it in God's hands instead of finding other outlets such as drinking or smoking or buying materialistic things to make us happy. Put your bad days, the feeling of inadequacy, losing your job and/or relationship issues in the hands of God. Put God in control. 

Done.

Okay every meaningful prayer and thought that I wrote in my Chemistry notebook during class this past week is on here now... Probably should go study for that exam on Monday.
Good night. :)

Romans 14 conviction.

Dear God,
Thank you for laying Romans 14 on my hear this past week.
You are trying to teach me peace. I see it. I feel it. And I am trying so hard to understand it.
I have got to gain a peace of mind, a peace of heart and be able to show that peace towards others.
I am one of the most stubborn fighters in this world. So kill my stubbornness. Kill my fight. Build me up with your peace. Don't let me be a stumbling block any more, Jesus. Let me be a person who "builds up." Let me be a helper and a lover of men. Teach me to "fish" the way you did and continue to do. Help me to STOP growing into a pharisee and instead water my roots with your everlasting water and grow me into a peace maker.. There are too many legalistic people in this world and I am one of the WORST.
SO CHANGE ME.
I am in the wrong.
I am a vile sinner.
Break my heart.
Unharden my soul.
Soften me to love.
Teach me love, joy, peace, patience,
AND PEACE.
God, I can't do this alone. I need your help.
-Kaylee

My plea.

Dear God,
I am dumb.
I make so many stupid little mistakes.
I say the wrong thing all the time.
I don't know when to keep my mouth shut or when to open it.
I can be too shy at times.
I don't know all the answers to the difficult questions life throws at me... I don't know any answers actually.
I let people down.
I am materialistic.
I am greedy.
I am pessimistic.
I am selfish.
I am flawed.

So Lord, please change my ways. Change my attitude. Change me into someone like you.

Love your baby girl,
Kaylee

Epiphany

It seems twisted and kind of makes you want to puke, but in a broken world broken things happen. You can't change the past and life isn't going to be perfect.

There will be ups and there will be a whole lot of downs. And guess what, baby girl? You WILL make mistakes. I'm sure you already have. And you'll probably hurt someone in the process. But you know what? They are going to hurt you too. It happens, because like life, you are NOT perfect. Your family isn't perfect. Your boyfriend isn't perfect. Your president isn't God, so he can't "fix" the country regardless of what he promises. Your dad has made a few mistakes himself. This is a world full of hopelessly lost and "mistake making" people.

We are human. I am human. You are human.

So where does that leave us? We're a world full of broken, vile beings. We can either sulk in bed every night about the situations we can't change, or cry all alone in the car while driving to Walmart in the middle of the night just because you can't stand sitting on your couch till two in the morning watching sitcoms that's sole purpose is to glorify men and women cheating on their spouse (the immoral television industry is going to be a whole other blog post that will be written shortly).....

But there is hope! There is no reason to sit back and sulk!

You can take a deep breath and pray to your heavenly Father about the things you can't control- the standards you can't live up to, the best friend you let down, the friend that died and the past that haunts you.

You can ask Him to squeeze out the burden that lays so heavily on your heart. Let Him squeeze out all the bad and place it in the wrath of his hands where it can't hurt you any longer.

THEN YOU CAN REST.

You can rest, because God has EVERYTHING- all your burdens, your future and your past- in His hands.

You can sleep well tonight, baby girl, because there is nothing to worry about. God is holding you in His arms so do not worry about the seemingly impossible week ahead. Don't let the guilt or pain keep you up all night. Rest in His arms.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Mathew 6:25-27

Does this mean you can sit on the sidelines for the rest of your life and continue to make mistakes that negatively affect you and those around you? ABSOLUTELY NOT. After you accept the things you can't control, you take a good look at your inward, wayward self and let GOD change your bad attitude, kill the materialistic strongholds in your life, clean your dirty mind, change your pessimistic ways and transform your crooked heart into something beautiful. Then and then can you find purpose in your life.

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh."

Ezekiel 36:26

Men.

I want to be able to finally get up off my stupid bedroom floor and look in the mirror and believe that some man out there could love the girl in the reflection. That there is a perfect guy she can relate too- confide in- love with all her heart- have deep conversations with… and won’t unexpectedly get up and walk away for no good reason.  


God, be my man. Be my rock. Let me lean on you. 
Kill my loneliness. Kill my pessimism. Kill my anger.

My mind

I keep changing my mind. I want to leave, but I want to stay home. I want to move on, but I want to fix what is broken. I want to meet new people, but I don't want to leave those friends who mean the world to me. I want closure, but I want to keep holding on to hope.

More that anything, I want answers.

Have you ever had a panic attack?

Right now. Right here at only 8 weeks till my high school career is over.. I am hyperventilating. I'm losing it- I really am.
I'm trying to figure out my dreams... plan out my life, my career. But  have absolutely no idea what to be.... So I am going to write a list of all the things I want to do. Hopefully that will make me feel better.. Cause right now I feel like I'm trying to run straight, but end up running in circles...

I want to learn to sail a boat... I know that has nothing to do with my future career plans, but I can't see any kind of future career plan in this fog of emotions.. so I want to sail a boat.

I want to go to Scotland.

I want to help the kids in Africa.

I want to go on several mission trips.

I want to write a complete book and get it published.

I want to get married and be madly in love.

I want to grow SO MUCH closer to God.

I want to have at least 4 kids... Okay, maybe six.. Or more.

I want to learn Greek and Spanish.

I want to adopt kids.

I want a garden.

I want to see a revival in the country.


... Okay. I just got convicted.. I have a lot of selfish "wants" in my life. God, change me into a selfless person.

Isolation.

I need to be alone to think about life. Have you ever felt depressed for no reason? Have you ever felt like you are not yourself? Like life is just moving too fast and you don't know where you are mentally? ...I'm so confused about who I am that I feel physically sick.
I just really needed to be alone today.

I just need a big fat hug and a "Everything's gonna be alright, baby girl."

I want to run away really, really bad.

Let's Talk.

“Man is a narcissistic species by nature. We have colonized the four corners of our tiny planet. But we are not the pinnacle of so-called evolution. That honor belongs to the lowly cockroach. Capable of living for months without food. Remaining alive headless for weeks at a time. Resistant to radiation. If God has indeed created himself in his own image, then I submit to you that God is a cockroach. They say that man uses only a tenth of his brain power. Another percent, and we might actually be worthy of God’s image. Unless, of course, that day has already arrived. The human genome project has discovered that tiny variations in man’s genetic code are taking place at increasingly rapid rates. Teleportation, levitation, tissue regeneration. Is this outside the realm of possibility? Or is man entering a new gateway to evolution? Is he finally standing at the threshold to true human potential?” - Heroes

According to this, “Man only uses a tenth of his brain power. Another percent and we might actually be worthy of God’s image,” we can evolve into greater and better beings. We can be God- or our minds have the ability to BE God. Which means that the smarter you are the more evolved you are… the closer to God you are… If this is all true (a lot of people believe it is) then that means whoever is closest to “being” God should be our leader, god, president, etc. Survival of the fittest. That’s what evolution is about: finding the smartest and strongest person to be our Hero- our leader. Therefore if the “pinnacle of evolution” is the cockroach, according to Evolution (what a lot of people believe), the cockroach is our god. The cockroaches are better than humans. ..

I don’t know about you, but I can step on a cockroach…. So obviously that creature is not the best choice for our god at this moment.. maybe if we give it more time to evolve it’ll have its chance.

Let’s talk about humans. Who is the “fairest” of them all? Who has the brains to get our Country on its feet again. Apparently the president does, seeing as the majority of Americans thought he was the best candidate for the job. Is Obama the closest to god? Or Bush? .. Or was Hitler? He was elected too.. Look what happened there. If Obama or Bush or whoever is the best- the most fully evolved- we’ve got to be running our country then they are the one(s) who is expected to save us.

They are the only ones who have the brains to fix the problem in Iraq, fix our debt, end world hunger, make sure it’s safe for you to sleep at night, bring justice, bring peace, etc. If they are smarter than you and evolution/survival of the fittest is true, then they are your god. They are who you need to put your trust in, because after all you’re not the “pinnacle of evolution”.

If you believe in evolution (no other higher power than what has evolved on earth) than your only hope for saving is the ideas of Barack Obama… or a cockroach. There isn’t really anything or anyone better on Earth (Well, the former is debatable depending on your views of intelligence.)

Anyways… I’d love to hear what people think about this. Pro Evolution? Or not? Who do you put your hope in? Why? Seriously, I want to know. I won’t yell or “force/shove my opinion in your face.” I just want to talk.

Books, books and books.

I am determined to finish writing a book by December. My only problem is: I have to figure out which one to finish.. Oh, and my procrastination problem. That's a pretty big road block... Anyways, I want to be able to say I COMPLETED something. Too many times, I have started something but never finished. I do not want the same thing to happen to my books.

I have some pretty good ideas (in my opinion) and I want them on paper. I know I'm not the best in the world, but practice makes perfect, right? Besides, how will I know what I am capable if I don't try? So this is me- I'm trying.

If he loved with all the powers in his puny being, he couldn't love as much in 80 years, as I could in a day. -Heathcliff

The Art of Procrastination.

Well, this summer was suppose to be "the summer I got things done"... But it's near the end of July, and I've sadly only read a couple of books (none of which were the ones I need to read for school next year) and have not completed writing any of my books.
Oh, have I mentioned yet that I write books? ... I guess not. Well, I do, and my stupid procrastination and work schedule is killing my creativity. D:
Anyways, I am very disappointed with myself. I really wanted to finish writing, and had a whole list of books I wanted to read.
I guess I have four or so weeks to get some of what I want done before my life gets really busy again....
 It takes so much time to do anything. It's almost depressing.. I mean, by the time you get off work and run the necessary errands of the day, you only have an hour or two of down time. I wish it was possible to have one whole day to myself to just do things I wanted to do.. I guess that's selfish.. though it would still be nice.

That's what is on my mind for the moment.
So goodbye for now- the mind will be up and blogging again after I spend some time with my books.
~Kaylee

We're playing life like we are out of tune.

Of Mice and Men

Lennie spoke craftily, “Tell me- like you done before.”

“Tell you what?”

“About the rabbits.”

George snapped, “You ain’t gonna put nothing over me.”

Lennie pleaded, “Come on, George. Tell me. Please George. Like you done before.”

“You get a kick outta that, don’t you? Awright, I’ll tell you, and then we’ll eat our supper….”

George’s voice became deeper. He repeated his words rhythmically as though he had said them many times before. “Guys like us, that work on ranches, are the loneliest guys in the world. They got no family. They don’t belong no place. They come to a ranch an’ work up a stake and then they go inta town and blow their stake, and the first thing you know they’re poundin’ their tail on some other ranch. They ain’t got nothing to look ahead to.”

Lennie was delighted. “That’s it- that’s it. now tell it is with us.”

George went on. “Wit us it ain’t like that. We got a future. We got somebody to talk to that cares about us. We don’t have to sit in no bar room blowin’ in our jack jus’ because we got no place else to go. If them other guys gets in jail they can rot for all anybody cares. But not us.”

Lennie broke in. “But not is! An’ why? Because… Because I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that’s why.”  He laughed delightedly. “Go on now, George!”

“You got it by heart. You can do it by yourself.”

“No, you. I forget some a’  the things. Tell me about how it’s gonna be.”

“O.K someday- we’re gonna get the jack together and we’re gonna have a little house and a couple of acres an’ cow and some pigs and-“

“an’ live off the fatta the lan’,”  Lennie shouted. “An’ have rabbits. Go on, George! Tell about what we’re gonna have in the garden and about the rabbits in the cages and about the rain in the winter and the stove, and how thick the cream is on the milk like you can hardly cit it. Tell about that, George.”

“Why’nt you do it yourself? You know all of it.”

“No… you tell it. It ain’t the same if I tell it. Go on… George. How I get to tend to the rabbits.”

“Well,” said George, “we’ll have a big vegetable patch and a rabbit hitch and chickens. And when it rains in the winter, we’ll just say heck with goin’ to work, and we’ll build up a fire in the stove and set around it an’ listen to the rain comin’ down on the roof”

………….

The little five year old boy, who had grown up in a world where earthly parents weren’t always kind to him and food was scarce, curled up into Jesus’ lap.

“Jesus, tell me how it’s gonna be.. When I die, and I don’t have to be here anymore.”

Jesus wiped away one of the little boy’s tears with his thumb, and rocked him back and forth.

“But you know that story..”

“I know, but I wanna hear you say it again… Tell me ‘bout the day when I get to eat all I want, and get to be with you.”

The little boy smiled and curled closer in the circle of his maker’s arms as he waited patiently for the story to begin.

“Well someday, you’re gonna wake up and you’ll find yourself standing in the most beautiful country in the world. Everyone there will be smiling and singing and dancing-“

“And eating?!”

The little boy said excitedly as he jumped up in his Father’s lap. Jesus smiled a bittersweet smile for He knew the little boy wasn’t getting the food and love he needed on earth.

“Yes, kiddo, you can eat all you want.”

“And what about you? You said you’ll be there, right?”

The boy settled back down and looked desperately in Jesus’ eyes for he knew that Heaven would be pointless and dull without God there.

“Yes, I’ll be there to hold you anytime you want me too.. And you know what?”

“What?”

His wide eyes looked into the compassionate set of eyes above his own.

“You’ll never go hungry. You’ll never go unloved, and you’ll be happy. There is no suffering where I am going to take you.”

A huge grin played across the face of the boy. Jesus smiled back and wrapped His strong arm tighter around the boy. 

“And we’ll-“

“Be together forever?”

The boy finished the sentence for Him.

“Yes, kiddo, we’ll be together forever.”

“That’s gonna be the best part, Jesus, cause I love you a whole lot.”

He rested his head against Jesus’ chest.

“And I love you with my whole heart, my child.”

They sat together in silence for a few minutes just smiling.

“And what about every one else?”

The boy continued the conversation.

“Well, everyone else gets to decide whether they want to be in my family. I give them that choice… If anyone wants to live with us in Heaven all they have to do is follow me there..”

“Why wouldn’t anyone not wanna follow you, Jesus. I think you’re awesome..”

The little boy said a bit bothered by the thought of anyone passing up the generous offer Jesus has given them by dying on the cross so they could be His friend too.

Jesus sighed and a pained look appeared on His face. It hurt Him to know that the very people He cared so much about didn’t want anything to do with Him.

“Because the world doesn’t want me right now… And I need to let them decide who they want for themselves.”

A tear fell down Jesus’ cheek and the boy took his finger and wiped it away.

“I want you.”

The boy said simply.

“I want you too.”

Jesus replied with a smile from ear to ear, and continued to rock the boy to sleep.

… So yeah, that’s where my mind took me while reading that scene in Of Mice and Men.. I hope someone gets something out of it.. The God of the universe WANTS you, and He has a wonderful “Happy ever After” story for your life. Just follow Him.

Oh and another thought… I think we are a lot like Lennie.. Dumb and careless at times. But isn’t it wonderful to know that there is a God that chooses to love us even though we are dumb and ignorant? He let’s us follow Him around and be His friend- not only that, but we get to be His children. The God OF THE UNIVERSE is offering you a home (the greatest home in all the universe, might I add) will you pass that up?

Maybe dat's your problem too by James Hall

All my pwoblems
who knows, maybe evwybody’s pwoblems
is due to da fact, due to da awful twuth
dat I am SPIDERMAN.

I know. I know. All da dumb jokes:
No flies on you, ha ha,
and da ones about what do I do wit all
doze extwa legs in bed. Well, dat’s funny yeah.
But you twy being
SPIDERMAN for a month or two. Go ahead.

You get doze cwazy calls fwom da
Gubbener askin you to twap some booglar who’s
only twying to wip off color T.V. sets.
Now, what do I cawre about T.V. sets?
But I pull on da suit, da stinkin suit,
wit da sucker cups on da fingers,
and get my wopes and wittle bundle of
equipment and den I go flying like cwazy
acwoss da town fwom woof top to woof top.

Till der he is. Some poor dumb color T.V. slob
and I fall on him and we westle a widdle
until I get him all woped. So big deal.

You tink when you SPIDERMAN
der’s sometin big going to happen to you.
Well, I tell you what. It don’t happen dat way.
Nuttin happens. Gubbener calls, I go.
Bwing him to powice, Gubbener calls again,
like dat over and over.

I tink I twy sometin diffunt. I tink I twy
sometin excitin like wacing cawrs. Sometin to make
my heart beat at a difwent wate.
But den you just can’t quit being sometin like
SPIDERMAN.
You SPIDERMAN for life. Fowever. I can’t even
buin my suit. It won’t buin. It’s fwame wesistent.
So maybe dat’s youwr pwoblem too, who knows.
Maybe dat’s da whole pwoblem wif evwytin.
Nobody can buin der suits, dey all fwame wesistent.
Who knows?

Are you wearing a mask? Are you who you need and want to be? Maybe we are too accustomed to living comfortably that we never can muster up enough GUTS to jump off the edge and be ourselves. It’s easier to follow the crowd… But let’s not be that way.. I can see through your mask, so take it off. I want to see your real face. I want to see what makes you, you…

I have this same problem. So..

“Maybe dats yours pwoblem too..”

We need to be sick of living only for ourselves.

The whole world tells us to find our “individual self” and to do what ever makes us happy and blah blah.. But we’re SO busy worrying about our “individuality” that we forget there is a whole world suffering out there. If only we could raise our head out of our hands and use that same drive we have to make ourselves happy to make others happy, we could change our world.. But we are too conceited. Why is the world teaching us to be so conceited!? It helps NO one.. This self absorbed mindset and self pity will be the death of us all…. I for one am sick of living for myself, so I’m done.

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:

   “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
   if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

~Romans 12: 9-21~

C.S Lewis... Mere Christianity

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”